Why Nurturing Your Dog’s Emotional Needs is the Ultimate Sign of Responsible Guardianship
In the world of dog lovers, the line between "well-loved" and "spoilt" has become increasingly blurred. We’ve all heard the comments at the local dog park or seen the raised eyebrows from relatives when we mention our dog sleeps inside, enjoys a curated diet, or has a wardrobe for the winter months.
For many, the word "spoilt" is used as a gentle—or not so gentle—reproach, implying a lack of discipline or an "unnatural" level of attachment.
However, according to Sarah Rutten, accredited canine behaviourist and bestselling author of The Canine Perspective: Using Force-Free Methods to Unleash Your Dog’s Pawtential, it is time we reclaimed the word.
“Somewhere along the line, loving your dog well became something people feel embarrassed about,” Sarah says.
“Guardians are often told they’re ‘spoiling’ their dog simply because they allow them inside, buy them quality food, invest in training, or treat them like part of the family. But in reality, what I’m seeing are dogs who are well loved, given safety, enrichment, clarity and emotional security. That’s not spoiling. That’s responsible guardianship.”
The Myth of the ‘Spoilt’ Dog
The criticism directed at devoted dog owners often stems from outdated beliefs about dominance and hierarchy—the idea that a dog must "know its place" to be well-behaved. This "alpha" mentality suggests that providing too much comfort or affection will cause a dog to "vie for power" or become "bossy."
Yet, Sarah argues that decades of behavioural science have debunked these myths, showing that dogs are social, cooperative animals, not power-hungry wolves in our living rooms.
“The true definition of spoiling is about harming someone’s character through excessive leniency or indulgence,” she explains. “That’s not what’s happening in most of these cases.
Providing comfort, enrichment, positive training and inclusion isn’t spoiling; it’s what responsible guardianship is all about. And yes, we should absolutely be doing more of that.”
As humans, we control every facet of our dogs' lives—when they eat, where they walk, and who they interact with. Sarah suggests that with this level of control comes a profound ethical responsibility.
“Our dogs rely on us completely. Loving them well isn’t indulgent. It’s ethical.”
When ‘Spoiling’ Becomes a Behavioural Pattern
While Sarah defends the "loving guardian," she acknowledges that there is a difference between meeting a dog’s emotional needs and inadvertently creating behavioural issues through a lack of boundaries.
Interestingly, she doesn't view these issues as a result of the dog "getting away with things," but rather as a result of the dog being a brilliant pattern learner.
“I don’t actually think most dogs are ‘spoiled’ in the way people often mean it,” she says. “What I see far more often is that dogs simply haven’t been shown what does work in a human world.”
If a behaviour gets a result—whether that is attention, excitement, food, or access to something they want—a dog will repeat it.
Sarah identifies three common behaviours often labelled as "spoiling" that are actually just reinforced patterns:
#1. Demand Barking:
“If barking at us leads to attention, food, or play, dogs quickly learn that barking is an effective communication strategy.
Over time this can escalate into persistent barking that becomes stressful for the household and sometimes for neighbours as well. It’s not about being ‘naughty’—it’s simply a behaviour that has worked.”
#2. Jumping Up:
This is often unintentionally reinforced by attention. Even if someone is pushing the dog away or laughing, the dog perceives this as engagement. While it might seem harmless with a small dog, enthusiastic jumping can easily knock over children, elderly people, or anyone unsteady on their feet.
#3. Doorway Dashing:
A dog who rushes through gates or doors isn’t trying to be "the leader"; they are simply excited. However, this lack of pause can lead to dangerous situations near roads or unfamiliar dogs.
Teaching a dog to pause is about giving them a moment of clarity in situations where safety really matters.
“None of these behaviours are really about dogs ‘getting away with things,’” Sarah notes. “More often they simply reflect that we haven’t yet shown the dog the behaviour that works better.
When dogs understand what’s expected of them, they’re usually more than happy to rise to the occasion.”
The Power of Clarity and Consistency
If love isn't the cause of behavioural problems, what is? Sarah points to a "lack of clarity." Many owners fear that affection leads to "naughtiness," but Sarah is firm: “Behavioural issues don’t come from love, they come from unmet needs, lack of clarity, or inconsistent boundaries. You can absolutely have rules and structure while still giving your dog a beautiful life.”
The single most important gift a guardian can give their dog to help them feel secure is consistency. Because dogs are constant observers, they find human inconsistency incredibly confusing.
“One day we allow the dog on the couch. The next day we ask them to get down. Sometimes jumping up earns pats and laughter. Other times it earns a stern ‘off.’ One family member might happily share food from the table, while another insists on strict rules around meals. From the dog’s perspective, that can be incredibly confusing. They’re trying to learn the rules of a world that seems to change depending on the person, the mood, or the moment.”
Dogs feel far more secure when their world’s rules are predictable and the entire household is on the same page.
This doesn’t mean being rigid or strict; it means making the "picture" clear enough for the dog to understand how to succeed. When that clarity is established, most dogs settle into it remarkably quickly.
Honouring Your Dog: The Five-Minute Connection
Nurturing the human-canine bond doesn’t require expensive toys or elaborate outings. In fact, some of the most profound enrichment can happen in five minutes in your own backyard or living room.
Sarah’s favourite low-cost, high-impact activity is a game she calls “Find It.”
“Instead of feeding your dog from a bowl, take a handful of treats and scatter it across the grass in your yard or a safe outdoor space. Then simply let your dog search for it,” she suggests.
While it sounds simple, the science behind it is significant. Sniffing is one of the most powerful natural behaviours dogs have.
It activates large parts of the brain, lowers arousal levels, and allows dogs to use their incredible noses in a way that feels deeply satisfying. “In many cases, five minutes of sniffing can be more mentally fulfilling than a much longer walk where the dog isn’t allowed to stop and explore. Sometimes the simplest activities are the most enriching.”
The Science of the Human-Canine Bond
Beyond the mechanics of training, Sarah emphasises the profound impact our dogs have on our own wellbeing. The relationship is a two-way street; when we "spoil" our dogs with attention and care, we are often inadvertently caring for ourselves.
“The bond between humans and dogs is extraordinary,” she says. “Studies consistently show dogs reduce stress, improve mental health, and strengthen social connection. When we nurture that bond properly, everyone benefits.”
By moving away from outdated "control" models and toward a relationship-based approach, we allow our dogs to become the best versions of themselves. This involves advocating for their wellbeing, even when others don't understand our choices.
Whether it's choosing force-free training methods or prioritising mental enrichment over physical exhaustion, the goal is to build a foundation of trust.
The Future of Modern Guardianship
As Sarah continues to work on her second book, she remains a staunch advocate for a world where "loving your dog well" is seen as the gold standard of pet ownership. The upcoming work aims to further unpack the myths surrounding "spoiling" and help guardians navigate the modern world with their dogs in a way that is both kind and structured.
While the new book's details remain "under wraps" for now, the message is clear: our dogs deserve our best. By meeting their physical, emotional, and behavioural needs, we create calmer, more harmonious lives together.
“Dogs don’t care about social opinions,” Sarah concludes. “They care about safety, connection, clarity and kindness.”
“If you’re providing those things, you’re not spoiling your dog, you’re honouring the role you chose when you brought them into your life.”
For more expert advice on dog behaviour and force-free training, you can visit Sarah’s website or pick up a copy of her first book, The Canine Perspective: Using Force-Free Methods to Unleash Your Dog’s Pawtential.
About the author:
Instagram: @thecanineperspective
Helping Senior Dogs Thrive: Understanding Their Evolving Needs Expert advice from Sarah Rutten on keeping your senior pup mentally and physically active.
